How to piss off DeNiro in 30 seconds

You go Robbie!

Honestly??

Horizontal stripes and wide-leg pants? You have no one to blame but yourself, Kelly.

More Michelle news than you can shake a stick at

I didn't realize how much I missed Michelle Pfeiffer until she came back. Does that make sense? In any case Michelle's oft-delayed romantic comedy, I Could Never Be Your Woman finally has a release date--November 9!

Now, you may be asking yourself, "Jarett, why are you so excited about this particular film? Michelle has done rom-com before, what makes this movie so special?"

"Well, thank you for asking," I reply, before adding, "please see the picture below to have everything made crystal clear."

Yep, the movie co-stars Paul Rudd as her love interest. Done and done!

It's like that scene in Timecop

Is it just me or does Claire Danes come across like the Gen-Y version of Michelle Pfeiffer? They have similar features and they both give off a cold, yet kind vibe. Clearly both have had their share of men trouble and coincidentally they are both in the new movie, Stardust. Although I must say, I can't see myself ever having the same feelings about Claire that I do for Michelle.

Ms. Pfeiffer just in a class by herself

Last on the bandwagon

I know that look

It says, "Oh Scarlett, if only you were 17. And my daughter."

Under pressure

I don't know what all the fuss is about. Kelly Clarkson's new album, My December, is a fantastic CD. It's angry, and bitter and not commercial, and Kelly makes no apologies for that, which only further endears her to me. She went through a hard time and worked through it by writing this album and then Clive Davis, who is clearly only interested in what sells, ironically sold her out. Thus began the backlash against the album and that's where we find ourselves today.

It was announced that due to the album's poor sales, Kelly would be immediately heading back into the studio to create a new CD to be released in 2008. Here's the rub: this time, she will take the advice of Clive and work with established hit makers who just churn out pop #1's. Now I have nothing against striving for popularity. What I am troubled by is that it seems this album is absolutely going to fall by the wayside, which is a shame because it does have some fantastic tracks on it. So while KC is in the studio, get thee to a record store, by the album and check out the following cuts:

Never Again
Sober
Irvine
Judas

I Can't Wait!!!!!

Batman has always been my favorite superhero, even when Joel Schumacher ruined the property I still dug it. But now that Christopher Nolan is behind the wheel I have had my bat-faith restored. Batman Begins kicked ass and if this picture is any indication, The Dark Knight will be pretty awesome too.

Love the Joker. Love Heath Ledger as the Joker. And (sorry HED) I love that Katie Holmes was replaced by Maggie Gyllenhaal. This is now my most anticipated film of 2008!

Misguided moments in advertising part 4

Former Soviet Untion President Mikhail Gorbachev for Louis Vuitton!

He says, "A Vuitton manbag is the perfect way to carry around your Nobel Peace Prize and it's also a terrific place to store your dignity

My favorite Lohan-DUI related headline

From Jossip:
Lindsay Lohan Outed As Bad Drunk Driver, Poor Coke Hider

Why does her head look like that?

In happier news

I love Paul Rudd

Sonofa!

Damn it Lindsay, why you gotta be such a train wreck? I love you, and I know you have it in you to become the successful actress you want to be. But unfortunately, you have nutbag parents who totally screwed you up for life. Stop using drugs as a crutch for your pain and deal with it. Everyone has crappy families but you don't see all of us hoovering up our life savings.

Having said that, I still think you're hot and awesome and I'm totally still going to see I Know Who Killed Me this weekend, but I would just really appreciate it if you didn't make me feel like my admission fee was going to give a junkie more money to buy drugs.

Misguided moments in advertising part 3

The River Wild, Meryl Streep's rafting opus was a minor hit when it was released in The US, but one wonders how its box-office would have been affected if the marketing department had taken a page out of Japan's playbook and put a clearly nude Meryl front and center on the poster. Did they really think that advertising a flash of her flesh would actually sell MORE tickets?

See also
Misguided moments in advertising part 2
Misguided moments in advertising part 1
Misguided moments in advertising

HED's dilemma

"Whose hand is it better to be?"

Try and not say, "Awwwww"

They are filled with pride. Get it, pride?

minor disEppointment

Well, things did not go as planned with the 2007 Emmy nominations. Lost and Friday Night Lights were shut out for Best Drama and shockingly Elizabeth Mitchell didn't get a Best Supporting Actress Nomination--but Jenna Fisher did! However, there were a few things to get excited about:

-Outstanding Music and Lyrics nomination for Dick in a Box
-Outstanding Actor in a Comedy for Extras' Ricky Gervais
-The entire Best Comedy Actress Category:
Felicity Huffman, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tina Fey, America Ferrera and Mary-Louise Parker
-Neil Patrick Harris and Rainn Wilson's Best Supporting Actor nominations
-Lost's Terry O' Quinn & Michael Emmerson getting Supporting Actor Drama noms
-Outstanding Reality-Competition nominees Project Runway and Top Chef

So it seems like small steps are being made, even though Two and a Half Men and Monk got their typical nods. Must. Find. Brightside.

Tomorrow's E-Day

Emmy Nominations are announced tomorrow and as much as I like the Academy Awards, this is truly my favorite time of year. I have such a profound attraction to TV that if the cops would stop getting involved, I'd marry it. There is a lot of talk about the rejiggering of the nomination process so more worthy shows are selected and fewer holdovers get the nod. I am all for this, but I must say, unless the following shows and people get recognized, I will not buy into this adjusted system.

Best Drama
Lost
Regardless of what was said, season 3 was strong from start to finish. And what a finish it was!

Heroes
Saved the cheerleader. Saved the world. Saved the network.

Friday Night Lights
This season's best new show that no one is watching. An Emmy win would help a lot!

Best Comedy
Weeds
Hasn't aired recently, but its delicious smoke still lingers in the air

Best Supporting Actor, Drama
Michael Emerson on Lost:
Brilliant last season, snubbed. Don't make the same mistake twice...just ask Locke

Best Supporting Actress, Drama
Elizabeth Mitchell on Lost
Not only am I demanding a nomination, but a win as well. She gave the best performance of any actor, male or female, on any network all season long. The combination of actor and material gelled here to create one of TV's most misunderstood and mysterious characters ever.

Best Actress, Comedy
Julia Louis Dreyfus on New Adventures of Old Christine
Watch any episode and try not to laugh your ass off. Seriously, try. I dare you.

Mary Louise Parker on Weeds
What's not to love? MLP exudes cool and Nancy dealt with a lot of crap this year, isn't an Emmy the least you could give her?

Best Supporting Actor, Comedy
John Krasinski, Rainn Wilson, Ed Helms on The Office
It's a testament to these three that their workplace actually seems like fun

Then there are a few things that will piss me off if they occur, and they are:
-Two and a Half Men gets another Best Comedy nod
-24 gets a Best Drama nod for their worst year yet
-Amazing Race once again beats out Project Runway for Best Reality Competition
-Tony Shaloub wins AGAIN for freakin' Monk

And I'm on the fence about:
-A Sopranos swan song sweep. Was it a great series? Definitely. Did it go out on a high note? Um....(cut to black)

Magenta Camel Toe

In the immortal words of Michael Kors, "The crotch on those pants is insane!"

Yea, it's called Lost: The Dharma Years

I don't know about you, but this movie sounds like a comedy version of Lost!

Brittany Murphy has signed for Myriad Pictures fantasy comedy "The Other Side" reports Variety.

The script centers on a young grad student (Murphy) who must spend the summer working at a scientific institute on a remote northern island. She discovers an eccentric community of characters who are hiding a secret about a terrible tragedy that took place many years before.

Let me guess; none of the women can get pregnant, no one can escape the island and her boss is a mysterious man named Jacob. How original!

Whoops!

Off target
Uploaded by hotternews

A javelin thrown by Finland's Tero Pitkamaki during practice at Rome's Golden League Games missed its intended target on Friday, spearing French long jumper Salim Sdiri in the back. Ouch.

Sridi collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. He was lucky, Reuters reports: " Despite the horrific images of the accident, Sdiri's wound was not as serious as first feared. The javelin pierced only three centimetres into his body. Doctors released him after inserting five stitches -- three external and two internal -- and ruling out possible complications."

Sdiri was released on Saturady but has since returned to the hospital after a blood clot developed at the site of the injury.

Does Hallmark make a "I'm sorry I stabbed you with my javelin" card?

Not a lot to Love

Have you ever wished you could see a skeleton sing? Me either, but now I have

Ominous sighting of the week

Lindsay Lohan and Rumer Willis celebrating Allegra Versace's birthday at Chateau Marmont

Yea, I think the best way for Lindsay to start her new, sober life is to hang out at coke-fiend and alleged anorexic Allegra Versace's b-day party! Wonder what she brought as a gift, her old septum?

Maybe she was jostled by her junk

The simplicity of Judge Judy is refreshing

And now, today's least self-aware quote

On her preference of singing or acting: “In my music career, there have been moments of failure, and with acting, I haven’t had that yet. ”

(at least she has an adorable dog)

Cuz you gotta have friends

(thanks Eman!)

360 degress of Pfeiffer

The Goddess, looking radiant as always

This Just In: Our President Still Sucks!

First Bush commuted the sentence of former White House aide I. Lewis 'Scooter' Libby sparing him from a 30 month prison term that Bush said was excessive. And now comes this fucking brilliance: Click Here

Mood elevator

I am in a foul mood...but this pic helps a little

Giles' gone crazy!

Man pummels 'vampire' peacock

NEW YORK (AP) -- A peacock that roamed into the parking lot of a Burger King in New York City was beaten by a man who insisted it was a vampire.

Animal control officials in Staten Island say the bird was beaten so fiercely that most of its tail feathers fell out and it had to be euthanized.

The seven-year-old male peacock wandered into the restaurant parking lot and perched on a car hood last week. Charmed employees had been feeding it bread when the man appeared.

A restaurant worker says the man grabbed the bird by the neck, hurled it to the ground and started stomping it. She says when he was asked what he was doing, he responded, "'I'm killing a vampire!"'

What do her arm and his heart have in common?

Sorry i couldn't help myself from that headline:

Sir Salman Rushdie has confirmed that his 3-year marriage to Padma Lakshmi is over and he's filing for divorce. His spokesperson, "Salman Rushdie has agreed to divorce his wife, Padma Lakshmi, because of her desire to end their marriage."

Ooooh, she wanted to end the marriage! Apparently things are really cookin' for Padma! ugh, I'm so punchy today!

While HED's away....

I will be taking over the Beckham posting duties in honor of my friend who is busy saving babies! So here is a scruffy Beck's looking like a zebra at the Concert for Princess Diana and as HED might say, "black, white, pink, who cares--hot is hot in any color!"

Kid Friendly?

OK, so it's a fact at this point that Rebecca Gayheart isn't compatible with children...and I'm not even talking about that time she accidentally killed a kid.
Topless bathing in front of kids makes Rebecca quite a handful...


much like her husband apparently! Thank god that kid had a PS2 to preoccupy himself!

pics via JJ