Bend it like Brokeback

What, they couldn't think of a punnier title and tag line??

Title: Guys And Balls

Synopsis: Ecki is a young man who works in a bakery in Dortmund and plays soccer on his local team. Already under pressure for playing badly, his homophobic team-members find out that he is gay and throw him off the team. With the help of his sister and a cranky former soccer star, he tries to form an all-gay football team to challenge his old team in a grudge match.

Seriously?? I really liked Brokeback Mountain, i thought it was a poignant and beautiful love story--but is this supposed to be?

What was the pitch? "Think Brokeback Mountain meets Benchwarmers!"

Eeep!

No need to get on your knees

A recent study has come to a brilliant conclusion. Apparently, " In the largest study of its kind, researchers found that having people pray for heart-bypass patients had no effect on their recovery."

Yeah.....this is something we needed a study to prove??? Isn't it sort of a faith-based issue and has no value in the scientific community? That whole man of science/man of faith dichotomy--if you feel like you need to know the specifics of how this EARTH SHATTERING study was conducted, see below:

In the study of 1,800 patients, 59 percent of the patients who knew they were being prayed for developed a complication, versus 52 percent of those who were told it was possible they were being prayed for. For the study, financed by the Templeton Foundation, Christian group volunteers prayed for the well-being of patients for whom they were given the first name and first initial of the last name. The results will appear in the American Heart Journal. Researchers emphasized that their work can't address whether God exists.


Yeah, you read that correctly, "Researchers emphasized that their work can't address whether God exists." You know, that's weird because I was under the impression that if anyone were to prove the existence of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, it would be RESEARCHERS...not a priest, a rabbi or even the pope, but medical researchers.......

Pop goes the weasel

Marie
Originally uploaded by sbmpx1.

Marie Antoinette was born November 2, 1755 in Vienna, Austria and she died, by way of guillotine, on October 16, 1793.

She is one of the most prolific figures in history and her life is being celebrated in a big way in 06'

First is the Sophia Copola directed/Kirsten Dunst starring film, Marie Antoinette that looks funky, in a good way--see the trailer here http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/marieantoinette/

Second, is this AWESOME action figure of Marie Antoinette, with EJECTOR HEAD ACTION!!!!!

Marie, like her head, is rolling around in her grave

America's Next Top Model?????

IMG_0811
Originally uploaded by sbmpx1.

So I'm not usually a Top Model watcher, even though everyone says I'd love it. So, last night, since there was nothing else on TV, I tuned in, and boy was I happy! First there was a fashion show where the models had to walk the runway in a collection that used Madagascar hissing cockroaches!!! Yeah, that's about as practical as saying, "Ok, so we're going to set your clothes on fire before you walk the catwalk!"

Then, they had to do a photoshoot dressed as fairy tale characters--and THIS is contendor Joanie (pictured) getting excited about the task. Now I know this may sound mean, but should a model ever be caught making THIS face??? I think not! This is not America's Next Top Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Baby.

Apparently I had a sex change

So in my high powered position i receive numerous emails a day from prospective job candidates looking to break into the biz and it makes me feel very important to have this power over people, very steak sauce, you know, A-1....well, every now and then you realize that people exist solely to bring you down a notch or two..the following is an email i received from one of these very candidates looking for a job.

Dear Ms. Wieselman, (yeah, that's right, Ms)
I'm getting in touch with you because I am very interested in pursuing a career in magazine publishing and I am particularly interested in In Touch Weekly. I have several years of experience in the book publishing world (I'd be happy to send you my resume if you'd like to see it) and I'd very much like to make the transition to the magazine business. Without taking up too much of your time I'd like to know if you might be willing to meet speak with me, at your convenience, to discuss your work and the magazine publishing world in particular.
Kind regards,
Courtney Nobile
917.442.1876

Now, i know some of you may feel that it was rude to print her phone number, but hey, i could never call her and let her know what a horrible mistake she made, but you could......Ms. Wieselman OUT!

What fine print

Tag
Originally uploaded by sbmpx1.

Now if i could only figure out what clothing line this is, i could send them a dozen roses for being so darn clever!

4 seconds to change your life

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like your life could be taken in a completely different directions if you had just________(fill in the blank)?

I'm not trying to get all Gwynie Paltrow/Sliding Doors on you, but in all truthiness, it happens.

Case in point: this morning I am walking out of the house and my roommate yells, "will you hold the elevator for a second, I’ll be right out?"

Had I known that this was going to throw my morning into a tailspin, I might have been a little more decisive than, "um....okay"

So after holding the doors for what was honestly moments, he gets in and we descend to the "M" level

(sidenote: after much deliberation, we have learned that "M" stands for Mezzanine and the lowest level is "T" for Terrace--but shouldn't a terrace be elevated, shouldn't that be above the ground floor?)

So I get out on aforementioned "M" level and walk to the L-train, briefly stopping to pick up my daily news and post from Margarita, or what I affectionately call the Latin lady I get my papers from every morning.

And here is where the story comes together kiddies: as I walk down the stairs to the L the doors close, they closed mere moments before I got there, the same amount of time that I had held the elevator for my roommate.

SEE! Now I ask you, what would have happened had I caught that train? Would I have bumped into my future wife? Would I have ran into an Entertainment Weekly employee that was handing out free jobs? Would I have met a life-size Saca J doll that could have shoved me into her papoose and carried me around all day? I shall never know....what I do know is the following:

1. I had to wait 25 minutes for the next L train to come--2 passed by without stopping. Can't the MTA come up with a better L-train schedule?? HONESTLY!

2. After throwing myself into the train car, when it finally arrived, I accidentally groped a girl which gave me flashbacks to the time in elementary school when I accidentally pulled down a girls skirt on the playground and was yelled at in front of an entire classroom by a teacher. but that's a story for another day

3. Once I reached the A-train, I was stuck in a car with a SUPER-smelly hobo--and I mean SMELLY! like, eyes tearing smelly

4. The best part: The last possible bus I can catch to work in the morning is a 9:30am one. My train arrived at the 175th bus station at 9:29....thus began my sprint to the bus, which consists of the following: Stairs, hallway, stairs, hallway, escalator (which I had to run up), main terminal, another escalator to run up and then I reach the bus.....as it's pulling away. So I bang on the doors and get in, saying, "sup" to my friends before needing 15 minutes to catch my breath.

Phew, I feel better now, and I promise that future posts will be less angry, more movie/random thought centric, but to love me is to love my anger.