They should change the name to Awesome-tober

I love October; personally I think it's the best month of the year, right behind Smarch. Not only does it commemorate the day I emerged from the womb, but it also sees the arrival of All Hallow's Eve, which always ends up being a big, drunken mess. Additionally the weather finally becomes "Jarett appropriate”. As many Jews can attest, the summer months can be a bit of a bitch because of the copious amounts of sweating that occur. I mean, you'd think that after all the time wandering the desert we'd develop some sort of immunity to scorching heat that doesn't consist of lashing 100 piece of matzoah together to make the worlds worst umbrella.

But most importantly, October officially begins the FALL MOVIE SEASON, which is far and away the best time of the year to go to the movies. January through April consists of garbage that the studios dump out because the films either A) suck or B) are Valentine's Day timed chick flicks. April-September house the Summer Blockbusters that are expected to make serious bank but never stay with you once you've left the theatre. And then the glorious October rolls around and the Oscar hopefuls, Halloween-timed horror movies and big Christmas releases roll out and always obliterate the previous 10 months of schlock. So, considering that I can sense you thinking, "Which films is Jarett most excited to see in October?" I have decided to break it down for you below--leave a comment and let me know which one you are most psyched about.

In Order of Importance:

The Prestige--words cannot express my utter excitement for this one
The Departed
Running With Scissors--one of my most favoritest books EVER!
Little Children--I would pay to see Kate Winslet reading the dictionary
Marie Antoinette
Babel
Saw III--because the tagline, "oh yes, there will be blood" is NEVER a lie
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning--two words: Jordana Brewster.
The Queen
The Grudge 2
The Nightmare Before Christmas (3-D version)
Man of the Year

Susie needs a hobby

OK, I understand that my job probably dictates the receiving of numerous female-skewing pitches, but has she EVER read my magazine? Where exactly does she think we'd cover a story about Sanitary Napkin disposal?

Subject: How to Bury 45 Billion Pads

Hi editor,

How big of a hole would you have to dig to bury 45 billion sanitary pads?

According to feminine care expert Susie Hewson, every year women use over 45 billion sanitary pads, which are non-biodegradable, that get disposed and sit somewhere for years on end. If you place 45 billion pads end to end they would stretch all the way to the sun, and if you tried to bury them you would have to dig a hole 300 feet deep and 300 feet wide.
In 1989 Hewson developed a feminine hygiene product for women who are chemically sensitive, suffer from skin allergies and irritations, and who are environmentally conscious. Hewson is a world renowned expert on feminine care products and the potential harm they present to women and the environment. Her company, Natracare, makes feminine products that are free of additives, synthetic materials, plastics, and other harmful chemicals and synthetics, and they are the only truly biodegradable products on the market. Pollution is on the rise and feminine care products’ contribution is alarmingly high. With Hewson’s expertise at the foundation, Natracare provides every woman with a feminine care choice that will let her stand up for her health and do her part to help save the world we live in.

Susie Hewson will be in town on Wednesday, October 10, 2006 and would enjoy meeting with you to discuss the impact feminine care products are having on women and the environment.

Um....yeah, what a weird professional focus. Don't forget your santiary napkin hole.....ew, that is just about the grossest sentence i've ever accidentally written!

Ugly Front

If you ever tell someone that you're "Bringing Sexy Back," you're not--in fact, the more you say it, the further you are from it

Testicles.

THAT IS ALL

Here are some more shows I am looking forward to

Lost--Jack, Kate, Sawyer, hoods. Need I say more
Veronica Mars--seriously people, watch it, you can save this show.
The Office--Dunder Miflin, this is Pam (and I kissed Jim!)
The O.C.--honestly, aren't you sorta interested to see if Mischa Barton is the new Shannen Doherty?

And since every other magazine is talking about their "5 Best New Shows" so shall I

The Nine--24+Lost=200% awesomer than any other new show. PERIOD
Friday Night Lights--and you know that if I am recommending ANYTHING that has to do with sports, it's pretty damn great
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip--like Sports Night? like West Wing? what's the problem?
Smith--Watch crimes be planned from the bottom up. Take notes. Call me.
Ugly Betty--I liked The Devil Wears Prada, this is sort of like that, but with a good actress instead of Anne Hathaway


By the way, in case you don't know, the joke up top, that means I'm psyched for Family Guy too

You go Glenn Cocoa