Nobody's Comin' To Your Remake Louise

It was announced today that Ashley Tisdale and her new nose (the second one so far) are planning to star in a remake of the 80's classic Teen Witch. I can not even begin to fully express what a terrible idea this is..but I will try.

First of all, Teen Witch achieved fame and notoriety because it's bad. Like real bad. Teen Witch is by no means a well-made movie, but it is random, weird and silly but beyond all that, it's camp. And you can't plan camp. It just happens. Like a gleek.

Case in point: the writers probably thought they were being super hep by integrating a rap song. They weren't. "Top That" is probably one of the worst songs ever written, yet is just one of the moments that helped the film achieve cult status, as did the other song that is inexplicably performed,"I Like Boys."

The only glimmer of hope on the horizon is that another remake which I was very vocally opposed to, (click here if you don't believe me) Adventures in Babysitting starring Raven Symone, never seemed to materialize. So I am hoping against hope that the same is true of Teen Witch. In fact, just to ensure it, I will say a spell: "Argentum Popularum Sinsarum. Argentum Popularum Sinsarum. Argentum Popularum Sinsarum."

Although.......it might be funny to see Ashley Tisdale get called a dog, a dog, a dog!!!!!

Cart, Horse

I am growing increasingly fond of Heidi Montag’s deluded self image. I know it’s redundant to talk about how out-of-touch this woman, who stars on a fake reality show and has thousands of dollars worth of plastic surgery is, but I must. In a recent interview Heidi was asked about a rumored 'The Hills' feature film and she was quoted as saying, “I've never discussed a movie possibility for 'The Hills'…and I'm not sure if for my first movie I'd let Lauren Conrad narrate me.”

Yes, you read that correctly, “first movie” which implies that Heidi believes she would be asked to star in a second movie and possibly a third. As if that wasn’t bad enough, she went on to say, “If I was doing movies, I'd want it to be with Denzel Washington or something like that.”

Girl, like Denzel Washington even knows what “The Hills” are—he’s more likely to think that your show is some spin-off from “The Sound of Music” and you’re the young troll who lives under the hill that Maria sings are alive.

Personally I can't wait until she breaks out the Tara Reid "I want to win an Oscar" quote--then my day will be complete. And yes that is an old picture, but I prefer my Heidi with her old parts

Celebrity Death Match: Mark-vs-Marc

In the left corner we have Mark Ballas, professional hoofer on Dancing with the Stars, who in my opinion is going to win this season thanks to Kristi Yam.

In the right corner we have Marc St. James, aka Michael Urie, from Ugly Betty, who in my opinion is the funniest thing about that show.

Now here's my dilemma: which one of these Bobbsey Twins is my favorite? Seriously...were they separated at birth in some sort of weird Lifetime MOTW sitch? And making me even more confused, they're both on top rated ABC shows. Is there some sort of corral of cute, skinny boys that is secretly kept on ABC's backlot? If so, do they have a tour? Or an adoption program?

So It Turns Out Cynthia is More of a Samantha Than a Miranda

Cynthia Nixon was interviewed on Good Morning America today where she revealed that she battled breast cancer and discussed how her life partner, Christine, dealt with it (for the record, the answer was eating). This marks the second huge life event that Cynthia went through after Sex & The City's Samantha Jones also did: lesbianism and breast cancer. Thankfully for the mother of two, she is in the clear.

SMG B-Day

Wow, I feel just like Buffy Summers did in that scene from "Nightmares" when she is casually informed by Cordelia that they have a History test in 30 seconds (don't worry, it was all the subconscious manifestations of a boy who was in a coma after being abused by his baseball coach--deep stuff, right?). Well that feeling of being completely blindsided is where I'm at right now because I was 100% unaware today is Sarah Michelle Gellar's 31st birthday.

For those of you who don't know (are there any of you?) SMG was one of the most intense presences during my early developmental years--actually, it wasn't so much Sarah as it was Buffy Summers, but irregardless, one doesn't exist without the other. Kristy, who?

So Sarah, thank you so much for imbuing Buffy Summers with life--you are hands down my favorite TV character of all-time, so have a very happy birthday! Something tells me you'll be getting a book--she collects antique novels...and that's just one of the many random facts I know about Ms. G!

Cute Overload

Sabra Johnson and Kameron Bink from So You Think You Can Dance (come back already!) with two koala's!

The New Queen of Saturday Night Live

Kristen Wiig delivered another round of brilliant performances this weekend on Saturday Night Live. Her consistently funnier-by-the-week characters are blowing Amy Poehler's out of the water (a routine occurrence) and must be making Lorne Michaels feel a whole lot better about Amy's rumored departure at the end of the season. Below are my two favorites from this week!

Jamie Lee Curtis for Activia Yogurt


Judy Grimes: Stripper, just kidding, Travel Writer

One Headline, 30% Increase in Opening Weekend Box Office

From Dark Horizons: Megan Fox Goes Topless For "Body"

Yes, that's right hordes of straight boys who (don't) read my blog. Uber-hottie (I'm not sold) Megan Fox has agreed to show her ta-ta's off in the upcoming film "Jennifer's Body," which was written by the strip-tacular Diablo Cody.

For more on the movie, click here

It Was The Cravat's Fault!

While everyone was busy picking their jaws up off the floor last night when Michael Johns was boots from "American Idol" I just said to myself: it just goes to show you the power of fashion.

See, for the last two weeks MJ has been rocking a cravat, like he's Fred from "Scooby-Doo" or something. It's an odd look that is totally out-of-sync with youth today and only serves to remind us that A) MJ is seriously pushing the age-limit on "Idol" (I always secretly believed eventually it would come out that he lied about his age) and B) he is not American.

So while Simon may say his ousting had to do with poor song choice, I solely blame MJ singing his swan song on silly sartorial selections.

Wonder what Fidel Castro would have done....

In a surprising bit of news, assumed stoner Jason Castro doesn't support his brothers-in-bongs. Check out this tid-bit from Idol Gives Back that was posted on People.com:

Snoop Dogg delivered the first performance of the night, bringing the crowd — and seven of the top eight Idol finalists — to their feet. But Jason Castro, seated at the front of a balcony with the other contestants, rested his head on his hands while the rapper was on stage. It wasn’t until Heart’s Ann Wilson and Nancy Wilson came out on stage to collaborate with Fergie that Castro got out of his chair.

Although maybe I'm jumping to conclusions. Perhaps Jason smoked a fatty with Snoop backstage and was just too high to actually partake since he par-toked. Looks like we'll never know

Who Knew?

I Love Weeds, Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Mary Louise Parker. However I am incredibly surprised by the degree to which America agrees. In light of news that Mary Louise and Jeffrey Dean have supposedly split, both actors rocketed into the Top 10 Google Trend searches.

Ironically, Billy Crudup placed higher than Mary Louise Parker, proving once and for all that no one will ever forget if you cheat on a pregnant woman.

Lost: What?

This video perfectly expresses the thoughts and feelings millions of LOST fans have on a weekly basis!

How Cute is This?

Anderson Cooper guest hosted Live! on the 4th and somehow he subjected himself to a workout routine segment that basically saw Kelly Ripa doing the most girlie moves ever and Anderson giggling along and refusing to try. Somehow he totally gets away with it and the bit works.

Highlights for me: Anderson yelling, "Jazz Hands" and him not knowing what a "Muffin Top" is.

PS--Ripa should totally do workout videos, a good place for her to channel all that energy!

My new screensaver

The crazy eyes, the funny gesture, the cock-a-doodle hair. Sharon Stone in all her fabulousness now adorns my desktop!

Battlestar Baby!

Pic stolen from my identical brain twin over at MNPP

Well, color me happy! There's a snap in here for two!

As a young lad I developed an unhealthy obsession with Sandra Bullock. She just seemed so cool and carefree and kind.

As an older chap I developed an unhealthy obsession with Ryan Reynolds. He just seemed so cool and carefree and kind.

Today came pictures from the set of "The Proposal" a movie starring both Sandra and Ryan! Homo say what? I have basically died and gone to heaven at this point. Now when will one of them propose to me? My choice of suitor is fairly obvious. Fairly