Tila Tequila's in his Top Friends

Mark the day, March 30th is officially the day that MySpace pulled back the curtain to reveal that the wizards running the show aren't people like you and me, but dudes with BA's in business and marketing. Seriously, there isn't a shot in hell that Martin Scorsese actually wants to be your friend. In fact, I will give you $100 if Marty actually knows what MySpace is.

As a rule old people don't really get the internet. That's why I always get emails from my grandfather that look like this:
jkrett! hoews wortk reating you?> comre to Flprida;' 'we miss youtr.

Puberty giveth, and puberty taketh away

Congratulations Skeet Ulrich, Captain Lou Albano and Spencer Pratt; you are no longer the worst things to have ever happened to facial hair. Sorry Shia, you have ruined any sexual fantasies I may have ever had about you by rocking the creepiest facial hair since every guy who has ever been on To Catch a Predator. Not only have you highlighted your oddly shaped head (who knew!) but you've reminded America that facial hair is a privilege, not a right.

*sorry HED

I'm With You Leather

As I wait patiently, clutching a sidekick, for my beloved Gossip Girl to return to the airwaves on April 21 I can at least find comfort in all these paparazzi shots from the set. But it appears a new trend is afoot in GG-world since both Michelle Trachtenberg (Dawn!) and Blake Lively were spotted wearing leather (pleather?) pants. As my new friend Ryan pointed out "tight leather pants are the new black tights" And while the sheer thought of this style makes my thighs develop asthma, he's right. I've been seeing leather pants everywhere lately and I have come to a conclusion: I do not condone.

Has anyone actually looked amazing in leather pants? I mean really. Sure there are some people who don't look truly unfortunate in the fitted animal hides, mostly anorexic celebrities, but would I call them enviable ensembles? Nope. There is only one man who has ever maximized leather pants to their full potential: Ross Gellar on Friends, and that's because he saw the comedy in them. And because he tried to make himself a pair of paste pants.

My Spider Sense is Tingling

I have an inkling. And I am going to share it with you, just so when/if it comes true, I can say, “hey remember when I told you…”

I am getting a distinct impression that Heather on Rock of Love is the new New York. Remember how New York came in second place during season 1 of Flavor of Love and then returned in season two under the guise of “helping Flav weed out the bad bachelorettes" and was then herself asked to return to the competition and once again came in second place? And then remember how she spun off into her own show called, “I Love New York” to begin her own search for love?

Weeeell, Heather, Rock of Love’s season 1 runner-up has just returned on season two under the guide of “helping Bret weed out the bad bachelorettes" (I cut and pasted that sentence from above, further proving the point I am about to make). Now, normally one appearance isn’t out of the ordinary—hi Rodeo!—but it was very subtly revealed at the end of this week’s elimination that Heather would be joining Bret and the girls on a trip to Vegas because, as Bret said, she’s been really helpful.

Now here’s where a second train of logic pulls up to the station. “I Love New York” will not be returning for a third season because New York has some new show where she goes to Hollywood to try and become famous (ed note: you’re already there Tiffany, this is as famous as you’re getting. You’ve hit your fame glass ceiling). This move leaves a female-dating-show slot vacant on VH1’s schedule and Heather made it very clear on season 1 that she wants her slot to be filled. It’s like freakin’ slutty serendipity!

So, here’s how it will go down: Heather will be asked to stay on and will be contractually obligated to come in second place, which is too bad because a Daisy vs. Ambre final two would have been interesting. (note: I did not misspell Ambre’s name. But it is pronounced like Amber. Actually, I think that if you go back to the first episode of the season her name was spelled “Amber” but then it got Rock Of Love-ified and became Ambre).

Then as predicted, by history, Heather will come in second in the finale, get crazy angry and during the reunion show announce plans for her own spin of, called: “Who Wants To Date an Ex-Stripper Who Wasn’t Good Enough for Bret Michaels, Which is Good Enough For Us?”

or something like that

Adventures in IMDB-land

I love IMDB.com. I use it daily. And every now and then you stumble upon a bit o' brilliance. Today is no exception. After watching Sound of Music with Allison and Joe last night, we discovered that the girl who played Louisa (upper left) is named Heather Menzies. Yea, let that soak in for a second.

Not only does she have that flow-tastic last name but this adorable anecdote came from Menzies' mini-bio: She and Kym Karath, who played Gretl, the youngest Von Trapp, became close friends despite the fact that while filming that movie's rowboat scene, Kym swallowed too much water and threw up on Heather -- Julie Andrews was designated to catch her but fell off the wrong side of the boat and as a result Heather had to get Kym.

So what has this taught us besides the fact that Julie Andrews is a thoughtless bitch? That Menzies is capable of absorbing vomit and copious amounts of water. Must not have been a heavy flow river.

Almost as Bad as Julia Goulia

A long time ago in a land far, far away called Hollywood there were two beautiful anchors, Giuliana DePandi and Jillian Barberie. Great names, right? "Fame names" is what I call them, you know, ones that sound like the monkier a real celebrity would have—or at least someone who interviews celebrities. Well, at least they did. Both ladies got married and opted for inferior surnames in the process. Giuliana DePandi became Giuliana Rancic when she married Apprentice winner Bill Rancic, and made herself sound like spoiled meat. (sidenote: does anyone actually “win” if they’re on The Apprentice?)


Ironically (and something I learned after a wikipedia search) Jillian was born Jillian Warry and married up, last name-wise, in 1996 with a wedding to Bret Barberie (a baseball player--one of the few times an athlete will be mentioned on here). Then she rocked the surname hard-core for a long-time before opting for the snoozeville that is Reynolds. Even Star Jones only hyphenated her name when she married a Reynolds.

Now look, I have nothing against women taking their husbands last names, tradition is fun! But as someone saddled with an unfortunate last name I take major offense when anyone ditches a perfectly perfect last name for something generic, boring and average.

In other cute baby news

You know when you sometimes say a word over and over again and it starts to sound like a different word. this is kinda like that, but cuter

I call this, 'There Will Be Buh-lud'

Having a Bad Day?

It is scientifically impossible for this night to brighten up your day



and apparently I've stumbled onto something, because I am not alone...

If a tree falls....

There used to be a time that there was no greater musical honor than performing on Saturday Night Live. Grammy? Patooey. Now? Not so much.

I can't even tell you who the last three musical guests were. Did I watch the show? Yep. Did I fast-forward or conversely give the song 15-seconds to sway me, to which it clearly did not and then fast forward through it? Yep.

So let me ask you: why? And in addition: do you do the same thing?

PR