For HED*

*I love it too.

Slow News Day Us Weekly?

What It's All About

Today is Election Day - obvs, and I came across this story and it brought a tear to my eye. So I felt like sharing it with you. The zero people who read this blog.

I got up early to get to my polling place, so I could vote and get to work. I got there and the line was wrapped around the building. Now you know when black folks gotta wait in line they get angry. But to my delight everyone was smiling and happy and just amazed that so many people came out to vote that early in the morning. It warmed my heart to see young ladies and men out, excited about voting for the first time, and to see older people there with tears in their eyes exclaiming how proud they are for this to happen in their lifetime. I swear if the crowd had broken out into Kumbaya…I would have not been surprised.

I saw the same kids that are rowdy on the Metro train, walking up and down the line asking the elderly if they need a chair to sit in, or escorting the handicapped to the front.

The best part of my 2 hour wait was when an elderly black woman got dropped off at the polls. She had a walker, but pulled a polling judge to the side and asked her if they had wheelchairs. She hadn't been out of her bed, let alone her house in ages and was afraid she wouldnt be able to move any further to actually get inside the building. The polling judge told her that unfortunately they didn't have any wheelchairs there for her to use, and was at a loss at what to do. That's when 5 black men got out of line to assist her. Yes, three of them supported her back, arms and legs and carried her into the polling center, while the other two carried her belongings. Waited for her to vote and carried her back out. The crowd was so overwhelmed with the comraderie, that everyone started clapping. Even if Senator Obama doesn't win this election (although I know he will), that one action right there, to me, made his strides worth it.

Palim Pranked

This made my day

Thanks For Clearing That up, Yahoo

Dear Red States,

Dear Red States,

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii , California , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois , New York , and all of the Northeastern states. After this election, we'll be adding Colorado and New Mexico . We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, especially to the people of our new country - Nuevo California .

To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states; we get stem cell research, the best beaches, and the best ski resorts. We get the Statue of Liberty; you get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft; you get WorldCom. We get Stanford, Harvard, Princeton, Yale , Cal Tech, MIT and Columbia ; you get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs; you get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than that of the Christian Coalition, we get a bunch of happy families and you get a bunch of under-educated single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we'll need all of our citizens back from Iraq at once.

If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They apparently have kids they're willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't mind if you don't televise their kid's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq and hope that those Weapons of Mass Destruction turn up for you, but we're not willing to spend any more of our money in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States, we will control 80 percent of the country's fresh water, 90 percent of pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 97 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at your state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, and all the Ivy League and Seven Sister schools. We also get New England, the Great Lakes and Yosemite , thank you very much.

In the Red States, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, 100 percent of tornadoes, 94 percent of hurricanes, 99 percent of Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, and Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bob Jones University , and Clemson.

Additionally, in the Red States, 38 percent actually believe Jonah was swallowed by a whale; 62 percent believe life is sacred unless it involves the death penalty or gun ownership; 44 percent claim that evolution is only a theory; 53 percent insist that Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11; and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you have higher moral standards than those of us on the left.

By the way, we're taking all the good pot, too. You get that dirt weed from Mexico and Kansas ditches.

Peace out,
The Blue States

Thanks Tay!

In A Perfect World

Cindy McCain Is A Dirty Bitch

Apparently unfamiliar with the expression "people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones," Cindy McCain said yesterday that Barack Obama was running "the dirtiest campaign in American history."

She then said, "just how I like my martini's - dirty. Where the fuck is the waiter?"

"10 Things I Hate About" Outtakes

The original #10 in this story.

Sofa King Funny

Jarett: beggars can't be choosers
Ryan: unless your a hobo at a buffet

Don't Judge Me

I. Can. Not. Wait.

David Cook's Pictures For Me!

Kimberly Caldwell My Ass!!!!

My New Hero

We've All Been There

This Is The Hotness

Nobody's Comin' To Your Remake Louise

It was announced today that Ashley Tisdale and her new nose (the second one so far) are planning to star in a remake of the 80's classic Teen Witch. I can not even begin to fully express what a terrible idea this is..but I will try.

First of all, Teen Witch achieved fame and notoriety because it's bad. Like real bad. Teen Witch is by no means a well-made movie, but it is random, weird and silly but beyond all that, it's camp. And you can't plan camp. It just happens. Like a gleek.

Case in point: the writers probably thought they were being super hep by integrating a rap song. They weren't. "Top That" is probably one of the worst songs ever written, yet is just one of the moments that helped the film achieve cult status, as did the other song that is inexplicably performed,"I Like Boys."

The only glimmer of hope on the horizon is that another remake which I was very vocally opposed to, (click here if you don't believe me) Adventures in Babysitting starring Raven Symone, never seemed to materialize. So I am hoping against hope that the same is true of Teen Witch. In fact, just to ensure it, I will say a spell: "Argentum Popularum Sinsarum. Argentum Popularum Sinsarum. Argentum Popularum Sinsarum."

Although.......it might be funny to see Ashley Tisdale get called a dog, a dog, a dog!!!!!

Cart, Horse

I am growing increasingly fond of Heidi Montag’s deluded self image. I know it’s redundant to talk about how out-of-touch this woman, who stars on a fake reality show and has thousands of dollars worth of plastic surgery is, but I must. In a recent interview Heidi was asked about a rumored 'The Hills' feature film and she was quoted as saying, “I've never discussed a movie possibility for 'The Hills'…and I'm not sure if for my first movie I'd let Lauren Conrad narrate me.”

Yes, you read that correctly, “first movie” which implies that Heidi believes she would be asked to star in a second movie and possibly a third. As if that wasn’t bad enough, she went on to say, “If I was doing movies, I'd want it to be with Denzel Washington or something like that.”

Girl, like Denzel Washington even knows what “The Hills” are—he’s more likely to think that your show is some spin-off from “The Sound of Music” and you’re the young troll who lives under the hill that Maria sings are alive.

Personally I can't wait until she breaks out the Tara Reid "I want to win an Oscar" quote--then my day will be complete. And yes that is an old picture, but I prefer my Heidi with her old parts

Celebrity Death Match: Mark-vs-Marc

In the left corner we have Mark Ballas, professional hoofer on Dancing with the Stars, who in my opinion is going to win this season thanks to Kristi Yam.

In the right corner we have Marc St. James, aka Michael Urie, from Ugly Betty, who in my opinion is the funniest thing about that show.

Now here's my dilemma: which one of these Bobbsey Twins is my favorite? Seriously...were they separated at birth in some sort of weird Lifetime MOTW sitch? And making me even more confused, they're both on top rated ABC shows. Is there some sort of corral of cute, skinny boys that is secretly kept on ABC's backlot? If so, do they have a tour? Or an adoption program?

So It Turns Out Cynthia is More of a Samantha Than a Miranda

Cynthia Nixon was interviewed on Good Morning America today where she revealed that she battled breast cancer and discussed how her life partner, Christine, dealt with it (for the record, the answer was eating). This marks the second huge life event that Cynthia went through after Sex & The City's Samantha Jones also did: lesbianism and breast cancer. Thankfully for the mother of two, she is in the clear.

SMG B-Day

Wow, I feel just like Buffy Summers did in that scene from "Nightmares" when she is casually informed by Cordelia that they have a History test in 30 seconds (don't worry, it was all the subconscious manifestations of a boy who was in a coma after being abused by his baseball coach--deep stuff, right?). Well that feeling of being completely blindsided is where I'm at right now because I was 100% unaware today is Sarah Michelle Gellar's 31st birthday.

For those of you who don't know (are there any of you?) SMG was one of the most intense presences during my early developmental years--actually, it wasn't so much Sarah as it was Buffy Summers, but irregardless, one doesn't exist without the other. Kristy, who?

So Sarah, thank you so much for imbuing Buffy Summers with life--you are hands down my favorite TV character of all-time, so have a very happy birthday! Something tells me you'll be getting a book--she collects antique novels...and that's just one of the many random facts I know about Ms. G!

Cute Overload

Sabra Johnson and Kameron Bink from So You Think You Can Dance (come back already!) with two koala's!

The New Queen of Saturday Night Live

Kristen Wiig delivered another round of brilliant performances this weekend on Saturday Night Live. Her consistently funnier-by-the-week characters are blowing Amy Poehler's out of the water (a routine occurrence) and must be making Lorne Michaels feel a whole lot better about Amy's rumored departure at the end of the season. Below are my two favorites from this week!

Jamie Lee Curtis for Activia Yogurt


Judy Grimes: Stripper, just kidding, Travel Writer

One Headline, 30% Increase in Opening Weekend Box Office

From Dark Horizons: Megan Fox Goes Topless For "Body"

Yes, that's right hordes of straight boys who (don't) read my blog. Uber-hottie (I'm not sold) Megan Fox has agreed to show her ta-ta's off in the upcoming film "Jennifer's Body," which was written by the strip-tacular Diablo Cody.

For more on the movie, click here

It Was The Cravat's Fault!

While everyone was busy picking their jaws up off the floor last night when Michael Johns was boots from "American Idol" I just said to myself: it just goes to show you the power of fashion.

See, for the last two weeks MJ has been rocking a cravat, like he's Fred from "Scooby-Doo" or something. It's an odd look that is totally out-of-sync with youth today and only serves to remind us that A) MJ is seriously pushing the age-limit on "Idol" (I always secretly believed eventually it would come out that he lied about his age) and B) he is not American.

So while Simon may say his ousting had to do with poor song choice, I solely blame MJ singing his swan song on silly sartorial selections.