Um, You Did Do It

I remember sitting in Spanish Class, listening to the OJ Simpson verdict being read over the loudspeaker and the shock that I felt when that murderer was acquitted. If it doesn't fit, you must acquit MY ASS! Since OJ officially became the posterboy for Guilty Celebs getting off scott-free, he has indulged in some truly heinous ways of making extra dough, ie: Signing autographs at a Horror Convention for $10, releasing a porno tape of him with two hookers, his spin on Punk'd called Juice'd which was a glorified Hidden Camera show where the big play off was OJ would put people in awkward situations (like making them drive down the LA freeway with a gun wielding murderer in the backseat who is threatening to kill himself and you) and then saying it was all a joke and telling people they'd been "Juice'd"--since when does OJ need to go out of his way to scare people?--and then there was the OJ Simpson line of steak knives that somehow never made it off the ground. Well, today comes the truly disturbing news that Mr. Murderer, I mean, Mr. Simpson has decided to pen a novel. No, it's not an autobiography about the hell his life has become since strangers started running away from him on the street or a book that TRIES to elicit sympathy. He has decided to write a "hypothetical" book about what would transpired IF he killed Nicole Brown Simpson called, "IF I DID IT". I know celebs do a lot of questionable things like selling pics of your dead child, using a porno to raise funds to save your house or let your boob hang out on the red carpet, but this has to be the most vile way a "star" has ever tried to earn money.....unless you count The Chevy Chase Show.

The former football great, who was acquitted in criminal court 11 years ago of killing his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ron Goldman, reportedly has been paid a whopping $3.5 million to write about the double murder that shocked and riveted the nation in 1994, according to a detailed report in the new National Enquirer. But Simpson is not actually confessing to the murder -- rather, he's writing a "hypothetical" book -- which the Enquirer reports is tentatively being called "If I Did It." The early part of the book tells how Simpson fell in love with Nicole and how the marriage collapsed, reports the tab. He goes on, according to the article, to describe in gruesome detail the killing of his ex-wife and Goldman; he stipulates that the murder scenes are "hypothetical." But, notes the tab, the descriptions are "so detailed and so chillingly realistic" that readers are left with little doubt as to what really happened.


EW! EW! EW! Do you think his editor had to keep changing his copy and putting in the word "allegedly" because his sentences always came across as fact?

"And then I was standing over Nicole's body and realized the cops were closing in, so I had to jump into a white bronco and speed away." ALLEGEDLY!