Majorly Delayed Emmy thoughts

Well, I was under the impression that you people were sick of my over-obsessing about the Emmy's, but then a little lady called P-Lo asked me, "why haven't you posted about the Emmy's?" She went on to say she was disappointed in me and that I have no penis. Let me take this opportunity to apologize for not throwing my two cents into the mix--I didn't mean to disappoint my MANY fans, so now let me dazzle you with my opinions, or Jar-pinions as I think I shall call them from hence forth, on this year's Emmy Telecast.

HOST: Conan O' Brien
VERDICT: Great job Conan! I thought your song about NBC being screwed was odd, yet funny, even if it did go on for WAY too long. Unlike the majority of the nation, I didn't find the opening skit, featuring you going down in a plane, to be in bad taste, but I am increasingly aware that my previous sentence was in bad taste. Just to clarify, Conan wasn't going down on someone in a plane; he was on a plane that was going down. OK, phew, settled that.


Drama Series: 24
VERDICT: 24, FUCK YEA! (sing that to the theme of Team America's "America, Fuck Yea!" Kudos to the academy for recognizing that this was not only the best-written and acted season of 24 yet, but the most compelling. The President was evil! Tony died! Michelle died! Palmer died! Edgar died! All that and Jack ended the season as the prisoner of the Chinese! oh man, now THAT'S a KUNG-POW ending!

Comedy Series: The Office
VERDICT: YES! YES! YES! Again, the most LOL funny show was justly rewarded! And yes, I am a HUGE Arrested Development fan, but at this point, nothing short of a Mock Trial with J. Reinhold could save the show from cancellation.

Reality-Competition Program: The Amazing Race
VERDICT: Um, okay. I love The Amazing Race, and I love the season that just finished up with BJ and Tyler beating the Frat Boys to the finish line, but that's not the season that was up for the award, it was the beyond sub-par Family Edition. I mean, the only reason to reward this season was because it seemed like the producers were constantly messing with the God-fearing, venom-spewing Weaver family. The team was comprised of a widow and her three young kids, their father died less than a year ago when a NASCAR struck him during a race. So where did one of the challenges take place? ON A NASCAR RACE TRACK! Yessssss, brilliant! And the only thing that outdid that little piece of perfection was when the kids accidentally ran over their mother in a horse drawn buggy! Oh irony, thy name is Amazing Race.
SHOULD HAVE WON: Project Runway

Actor, Drama Series: Kiefer Sutherland, 24
VERDICT: Once again, the right choice was made, considering the nominees weren't of the greatest caliber. Doesn't matter much though, Jack Bauer can handle any caliber

Actor, Comedy Series: Tony Shalhoub, Monk
VERDICT: NOOOOOOOOO! WTF! I didn't even know this show was still on the air! STEVE CARRELL, YOU WUZ ROBBED!
SHOULD HAVE WON: Steve Carrell

Actress, Drama Series: Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
VERDICT: Woo-Hoo! I was so scared that Allison Janney was going to win her 94375th award for the West Wing because it was the last season, but nope, my Marish got it! SA-WHEET!

Actress, Comedy Series: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine
VERDICT: Seinfeld curse be dammed! While I love JLD on this show, I truly thought there was a much more deserving nominee
SHOULD HAVE WON: Lisa Kudrow for The Comeback! (come back Valerie!)

Supporting Actor, Drama Series: Alan Alda, The West Wing
VERDICT: Zzzzzzzzzzzz
SHOULD HAVE WON: Gregory Itzin for 24--The President has been muy naughty

Supporting Actor, Comedy Series: Jeremy Piven, Entourage
VERDICT: TOTALLY! You go Glenn Cocoa!

Supporting Actress, Drama Series: Blythe Danner, Huff
VERDICT: Zzzzzzzzzzz
SHOULD HAVE WON: Jean Smart for 24--Why is it that the supporting females on 24 always get the shaft! Last year Shoreh Agdashloo didn't even get a nomination for her role as Dina Araz and now Jean gets passed over for a show that isn't even on the air anymore! WTF!

Supporting Actress, Comedy Series: Megan Mullally, Will & Grace
VERDICT: Megan is always hilar, so I'm at peace with this one

Individual Performance in a Variety or Music Program: Barry Manilow, Barry Manilow: Music and Passion
VERDICT: So wrong in so many ways--Stephen Colbert put it perfectly, "I was beat by Copacabana!"

Guest Actress in a Comedy Series: Cloris Leachman, Malcolm in the Middle
VERDICT: Noooooo! I'm sure Cloris was wonderful (any sort of animated movements at her age are award worthy) but seriously, how did Kate Winslet not win! I mean, she mocked her stiff-upper-lip image by teaching her co-workers how to have phone sex and then fondled herself! COME ON!