You lost me at "army of zombie clowns"

Coming soon to a Blockbuster near you, my worst nightmare:

Dead Clowns
Synopsis: The residents of Port Emmett prepare for a hurricane that will churn up a 50-year-old secret, awakening an army of zombie clowns. Left to die after a circus train accident, the clowns rise from their muddy graves to get revenge. The guilty can run, but they can't hide from the truth … or the undead.

I knew it! Laugh all you want, but I have been preparing a "zombie clown survival kit" for years. The contents: one big, floppy shoe that conceals a knife, a red nose that emits tear gas when squeezed, an acid-squirting lapel flower, and a pie that when smooshed in your face becomes as hard as cement. I will beat them at their own game!

(editors note: an attempt to find a picture to accompany this story lasted 3 seconds)